so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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