I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
