I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
