Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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