Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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