Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
