Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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