I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
