I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
