New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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