Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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