dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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