I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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