You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
