I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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