So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
3pm strippers are depressing
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
