Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
