dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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