we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
