I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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