Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
