I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
