All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
