i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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