I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So many bounce houses so little time
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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