the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
