i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
