Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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