Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
