Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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