Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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