Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Your cock deserves a montage
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
