I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize