I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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