the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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