I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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