So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
