just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
