ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
