How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
