I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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