I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
