i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
