everyone is single if you try hard enough
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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