it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
