when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
