We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
