You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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