Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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