So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize