I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
