You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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