Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
