i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
