yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
