I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Couch. On fire.
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