is your mom at the bar?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
