Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
