i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
