I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
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