the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i out mim tonsoeep
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize