marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
