I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
