they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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