they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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