I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
