fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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