No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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