I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm like, not good at living.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize