At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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