My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
